[Glassy]

Knock Knock!!
Who's There?



Not you f*$*ing Mokka!!!!!

--------------------------------

I wish thiswas a funny joke but it really isnt and with no emails of calls im getting very frustrated!!!



Please, pleaseadd proper jokes as im sure a laugh would help me anyeveryone else that still waiting!!!

 

[Zig62]

Surely they're Mokking you!!!

 

[Glassy]

I was in the cafe at Tesco's earlier and the woman behind the counter asked if i wanted anything on my burger. I said £5 each way please

 

[Zig62]

Got a letter from Screwfix Direct, thanking me for my interest, but explaining that they were'nt a dating agency!!!

 

[Mokkadna]

That will give you a good run for your money Glassy.

 

[Zig62]

My missus had one of those 'near-death' experiences last night - apparently she thought she could do the hoovering while I was watching footie!!

 

[Fatman]

I lol'd at the knock knock joke.

 

[Bandage_Boy]

 

[Fatman]

I think someone wants me dead. I woke up with a Tesco Burger on the Pillow by my side.

 

[Bandage_Boy]

Hey it worked!!!!!

Yee Haa

 

[Glassy]

- I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with

 

[Glassy]

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade

 

[Love Stallion]

I went to the Doctors the other day, i said "Doc, i've got a problem... every morning when i get up i can't stop singing The Green Green Grass Of Home, and every night before i go to bed i can't stop singing Delilah... what's going on?"
"Well" he said "you're suffering from Tom Jones Syndrome"

I said "I've never heard of that, is it rare?"

He said "It's not unusual"

 

[Jules]

I had a burger yesterday...

Unfortunately I suffered terrible trots this morning which led to a long face this afternoon...

I'm hoping to be in a stable condition tonight!

 

[alan4708]

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.She undresses and lies spread-eagled on the bed,and say's"you know what i want don't you?"."Yeah" say's Paddy.
"The whole friggin bed by the look's of it".

 

[alan4708]

Reading all these joke's is making me hungry,i could eat a horse,will probably go to Tesco's!!!!!!!!

 

[Zig62]

Took the missus to a nightclub & there was this guy 'giving it large' on the dancefloor. She said to me 'See that guy over there? 25yrs ago, he proposed to me, but I turned him down'. I said 'Looks like he's still f*!"~ng celebrating'.

 

[Glassy]

We are all adults here so here goes - (hope it doesnt open the flood gates!!!

)
Whats the difference between Oral sex and anal sex?

One makes your day and the other makes your whole week!!

I love that one

 

[Bandage_Boy]

I got a letter today saying, "Congratulations! You have won £250 of shopping vouchers or a night at an Elvis Presley tribute act". To claim your prize, press 1 for the money, or 2 for the show...

 

[Bandage_Boy]

A girl sends a text to her boyfriend:
If you are sleeping send me your dreams.
If you are laughing send me your smile.
If you are eating send me a bite.
If you are drinking send me a sip.
If you are crying send me your tears.
I love you.

The boyfriend replies:
I am having a poo,
What do I do?